I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
