Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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