Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
