Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
