Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
