I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
