You're so nebulous sometimes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
