Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i dont even know how to be here
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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