Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
