Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
