my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
