Cold hands, warm shart.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
