Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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