New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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