She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
