did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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