your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
