the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
