some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
