Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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