Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I will be naked everywhere
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
