we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
