We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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