A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Everyone says I win the strip club
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
