my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
