We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
