btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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