Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
