I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
