Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
