i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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