Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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