Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
