Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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