guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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