Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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