mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
