Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
