I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I did not marry a roomba.
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