very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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