and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
