Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
