don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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