If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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