Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
