i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
