Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
