I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
