You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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