i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
