She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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