We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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