hotel room ftw
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
