I could have mohawked her pubes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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