Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
