sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
